Yesterday was a glorious day. The temperature was comfortably warm, the sun was shining and a cool breeze made everything perfect. After breakfast, I decided to put Kimberly in the Moby and take Lily to the park to play on the slide. I loved being able to soak in the sunshine. To me, sunshine is happiness.
Kimberly slept the entire time, so I was able to devote time paying attention to Lily. I loved how she smiled as she experienced the big girl swing for the first time. I was a bit nervous, but I didn't let it show. She did great! I loved how proud she was when she climbed the stairs and slid down the slide all by herself. "I did it!" she proclaimed. Yes, she did. I tried to spend most of the time sitting on a bench near the slide, but Lily would come grab my hand and lead me around. We didn't go anywhere in particular, but I thought, "I better enjoy this while I can because it won't be long before she'll lose interest in leading me anywhere. She won't want me to join her on all her adventures forever."
Yesterday was such a blessing! I enjoyed the sunshine, the breeze, Lily and Kimberly. Perfect.
But then the sun started to go down. It wasn't completely set before I had to close my curtains. Seeing the light outside grow dim makes me feel so sad. I'm not sure why, but I feel that I am affected by sunlight so much more during the postpartum period. This happened with Lily as well.
So far my postpartum recovery has taken a similar path as it did the first time. Not everything is the same, but my emotional recovery is following a similar path. For instance, sunshine. Ordinarily I much prefer Daylight Saving Time. I wish we could just stay there all year. I love sunshine!
After Lily was born I missed the heck out of the midwives that I saw during my pregnancy. Especially Debbie, who caught Lily and Dawn, who I saw the most during my pregnancy. In fact, I missed them so much that I was HAPPY when I got mastitis the second week because it meant I got to see them again! And I couldn't wait for my 6 week check-up. I don't miss them so much anymore. After all it's been almost 3 years, but I'll always have a measure of affection for them. I get giddy with excitement when I get to be a doula for a mama who is giving birth with them.
So naturally I shouldn't be surprised that I miss the heck out of my midwife and doula after Kimberly's birth. I'm truly thankful that I have a leg in the birth community (well maybe it's a toe right now) because I couldn't bear the thought of not ever seeing them again. Even waiting until my next pregnancy would be way too long! Lest I get overly mushy about how lovey-dovey I am feeling towards them right now, I will move on to my next point.
With Lily I felt pretty weepy for no reason during the first week. It would usually start right as the sun was setting. It didn't help that there was no rational explanation to satisfy those around me as to why I was crying for no reason. And of course I offended several people who were helping me out. (A note to anyone helping out a mama during the postpartum period: it's not personal. Take nothing personally. Just love.)
So naturally I shouldn't have been surprised that, come night fall, I would get weepy. Only this time there WAS a rational explanation. This time, my midwife let me know that it was normal to cry a lot when my milk is coming in. And she said that before I even mentioned being weepy! It felt good to have an explanation that made sense. With that explanation I could feel thankful for my tears because it meant my body was working as it should. She said, "Let your tears and your milk flow." I love that!
It looks like today is going to be another gloriously sunny day. I think I'd like to spend another day soaking in the happiness. Mmmmm.... sunshine.