Around 5pm on my guess date, January 10, I started to notice signs that I thought might indicate my waters were leaking. I was not sure, so I just went about my evening as usual. After my husband came home I would share my confusion with him. It seemed like every time I would move, something would leak. We went to bed, and around 3am (January 11) I woke up to take a usual middle of the night bathroom trip. I saw what I thought HAD to be amniotic fluid with a tiny bit of blood. I thought maybe I would see my bloody show soon. I had been on the look-out for that for weeks. I decided to try to go back to sleep and hopefully wake up with contractions. Needless to say I couldn't sleep. Around 4am I woke Robbie up and asked him to keep me company for awhile and also asked that he stay home. I texted my midwife and doula just to give them a heads up. I started getting restless and thinking of all the things I needed to do. I asked Robbie if I should blow up the birth pool and he said, "No, you'll wake the neighbors." I put the drop cloth down and spread out the birth pool just to have that part done. After that I went and did the dishes that were still in the sink and tidied up as best I could. There wasn't a lot left to do as I had been working on getting our home ready the past few days. Robbie came into the kitchen around 5am to me to ask what we should do with Lily, our 2 year old daughter. I said, "I really don't know. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was just supposed to have the baby before she woke up." For whatever reason we just didn't talk about it anymore. I think we went to go prepare the bed at that point. Around 5:30Robbie decided to get ready for the day and I said I would listen to a Hypnobabies track to try to get more sleep. They always knocked me out.
During the CD I started to get uncomfortable. I denied that they were contractions because they just weren't measurable. They just made me uncomfortable, but it was enough that I started to cry a little. That was weird. After I finished the CD, I went into my room to blow up the pool. I didn't care about the neighbors. I needed something to do to distract me.
I sat on the floor to blow up the pool and it was so uncomfortable having the floor basically push back against my bottom during a contraction. So I started sitting funny. Robbie came out of the bathroom to find me crying because I was so uncomfortable. I felt stupid because it was just too soon to feel that bad. It felt like I had maybe a minute to rest between each contraction. I wasn't timing them. He knelt down beside me to try to offer some comfort and encouragement. He tried to get me to vocalize through them and I said, "I'm not ready. I feel stupid. It's too soon!" Robbie called Sandra, my midwife. She asked if she should come. All I could say was, "I don't know! I don't know! It's too soon! I don't know!" So we waited. Robbie called Jessica, my doula, and she asked if she should come. I said yes. I remember telling him, "Tell her I am being very irrational." I remember at that point I was on my hands and knees rocking back and forth and bonking my head against the side of the birth pool. Once Robbie got off the phone I bonked my head against him a few times. He told me that Jessica said if things were going too fast for me then to get in some water. Sandra wanted us to wait to get in the birth pool until she got there plus it wasn't ready. I opted for the shower.
Because I knew she lived farther away and wanted Jessica and Sandra there at the same time, I asked Robbie to have Jessica come. Robbie was baffled. "You want the doula but not the midwife?" I abandoned my efforts with the birth pool and told Robbie to finish it. I was getting in the shower. I put one of my birth balls in there to sit down and let the water flow over me. I couldn't get comfortable. I started to vocalize. I hated the feeling of having the birth ball push up against my bottom during contractions. It's as if it was trying to push the baby back in when it was trying to come out. But I didn't recognize that. I just thought the UP FEELING was bad.
After awhile I got aggravated with the birth ball. I got on my hands and knees during one contraction and then threw that thing out of the shower. I just sat on the floor of the shower and leaned back a little to relieve myself of the up feeling. It helped a little but not much. I heard Jessica come in and it immediately smelled good. I thought, "Oh doula!" I couldn't help but appreciate the essential oils. I thought she was wearing them but she told me she put it on the cloth I had nearby. With her there I kinda became a little more honest and even said, "I hate this!" She reminded me about the baby and started asking me about pushing sensations and whether or not I felt pressure. I did but I still thought it was too soon. I was so mad about how intense it was so quickly that I would growl during contractions. Sandra came in shortly after Jessica got there. I'm glad Robbie just made the decision to call her again because I forgot about that part. I really started feeling the need to poop during the peaks and started yelling, "Poo poo!" during the peaks. I still didn't think it was the baby. Sandra asked if she could check me. I didn't want her to because I just knew I was just 3cm. But I said yes. I was complete and my bag of waters was bulging. That was my first and only check of my pregnancy and labor. They mentioned something about getting out and having me labor on the toilet. I said, "Oh no! Not toilet contractions! I have heard about toilet contractions!" But I got out anyway. I had to spend one contraction on hands and knees first. I didn't like that either.
Somehow I got out and started laboring on the toilet. Not fun! They told me to just go with the downward motion and to push if I felt like it. So I did. It felt terrible but oh so good at the same time. Sandra asked me to reach down to see if I could feel the baby's head. I tried but didn't really feel anything. I kept pushing and felt burn so I said, "Burn! Burn!" and they had me pant. I missed that sensation during my first birth. During one push my bag of waters pretty much exploded. Apparently I asked, "What was that!!???" and nearly shot off the toilet. It was pretty funny. So before I knew it I was standing up and Robbie was back in the bathroom helping to support me. I remember Sandra doing something with some sort of tool and later found out the baby's head was out and she was suctioning. There had been a bit of meconium. I gave one last push and the baby was born. Robbie said, "He's here!" I still hadn't checked to see if the baby was a boy or girl. We had just assumed the baby was a boy the entire time. I sat back down on the toilet holding the baby and just giggled and breathed. I was shaking pretty badly but happy. I can't remember who said it but someone mentioned looking to see what the baby was. A girl! I just laughed and laughed! And then I think Robbie said, "Oh. Sounds like Lily is awake now." I had no idea what time it was but things happened exactly like they were supposed to. I had the baby before Lily woke up.
It appears that I labored for two hours. 9 minutes of that was the pushing stage, but it felt so much longer than 9 minutes. Kimberly Alexis was born at 8:16am weighing in at 9 lbs 4 oz and 21 in long.
I told my doula later that I don't think I could have labored in the birth pool. I said I needed to have living, moving water. With my first birth I labored in the jacuzzi tub at the hospital and there was something about the bubbles and the whirring of the jets that comforted me. With this birth I needed the movement of the shower. The still birth pool didn't appeal to me at all, even though I thought the entire pregnancy I would want a water birth. I just really like that living water.