It's okay if you didn't breastfeed

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Can I let you in on a little secret? 

I get lonely sometimes. 

Ok. A lot. 

I miss having the freedom to just go out with friends at the drop of a hat for a hot chocolate and good conversation. I miss feeding my soul with good friends who love me, uplift me, and think I am cool at a moment's notice. I miss having a grown-up conversation without it being punctuated with, "Stop that! Don't touch that! Mommy's talking. Where did you bonk? Stop hitting your sister!" I have some really awesome friends that it has been way too many kids long between visits. 

I miss friends.

I've always been a little different from my friends, though. When we went out for coffee, I ordered hot chocolate. When we went out for drinks, I ordered cookies and milk. True story. I didn't let the fact that we made different choices stop me from loving the heck out of them. I'm like a puppy. If you're nice to me, I like you. That's pretty much all it takes. If you show an interest in me, I'll want to keep you forever. Although I'm past the days of following people home. Mostly.

Things changed for me when I became a mom. Making friends became harder. There have been too many times when I am getting to know someone, feel like we are hitting it off, and they look at me sadly to say something like, "Well, I didn't breastfeed." Or, "I didn't have a natural birth." Or, "I could never have a home birth."

It seems like sometimes people feel the need to offer an explanation to me. Almost like, "Yes, we are having a great time, but there's something you need to know about me before we take this to the next level. 

I didn't breastfeed."

It's okay that you didn't breastfeed (have a natural birth, home birth, etc.). Actually, it is more than okay. It is so okay, it is unbelievable how okay it is. In fact, I don't really care. Unless you are hurting about it. Then I want to listen, listen, and listen some more. I want to be a safe space while you share your hurt. I don't want to offer any advice. I probably wouldn't have any, anyway. I may ask you if I can hug you, but that's really all I've got. 

There's no need to offer me any explanations. I'm not judging you.

Passionate. Yes. Judgmental. No. 

If you want to get me on a soapbox, mention vaginal exams. But if you loved yours, more power to you. Rock on with your fabulous vaginal exams. 

I promise I know how to be passionate about something without judging you for choosing differently. 

Let's be friends! Even if you didn't breastfeed.